kerrya's picture

Certain about Uncertainty

It is an unfamiliar and strangely calm feeling that I have had all week. Like having a lower half made of the most sturdy material and feeling the imprint of my soles with each step I take.

It involves being quite certain about uncertainty. An absolute solid centeredness in the middle of the absolute unknown. The gravitational pull downward and inward in the vortex of life swirling all around me.

I have asked myself several times: "Are you making this up and just trying not to shatter?" to which I reply very assuredly: "Nope. This is what it feels like to be in life in a real, honest, way."

My head is not filled with things like making plans or worry or wondering about what the future holds. I can feel the denseness of my inside, like a wood pole through my core. I am not shaky or trembly or otherwise unsteady.

My God-voice is whispering: "You are ok no matter what."

I trust this. I believe what my interior is telling me. It's very cool.

Living in the house of Chesed

Everything I needed to know about Chesed I've learned from my own in-house experts- a son whose collection of skateboards, surfboards and snowboards will soon require its own room; another son who has never met a book he didn't like and feels no need to organize them neatly, since a pile on the floor allows for so many unexpected discoveries; and a daughter who collects friends the way some people collect shoes. There is no way to predict from day to day, or even hour to hour, which friend of Ana's will be tripping over which one of Joseph's various boards while picking up Kevin's copy of some obscure tome like "The Peloponnesen War".

kerrya's picture

No Choice But to Love ...

I posed a question yesterday in our non-dual healing school to Jason, who spent the afternoon with all of us as our 4th year class came to a close. The question was about the relationship to being in Malchut -- being in the place of meeting life as it is -- AND our kavanah -- the trustworthy intention to be in integrity in our actions and interactions with the world. The bottom line of his exploration aloud with us boiled down to this profound statement:
"I have no choice but to love".

My sponsor in AA often shares that her primary reason to not pick up a drink and to stay sober, even after the love of her life died nearly 2 years ago, is because she has no choice but to be here and to love what is here -- be it an alcoholic who is struggling, her sponsees, or the stray cats who find their way to her home. This is what gets her out of bed each morning, amid the bouts of unbearable missing and longing for her husband to re-appear and to hold her hand once more.




When you speak of a path to truth, it implies that truth, this living reality, is not in the present, but somewhere in the distance, somewhere in the future.

Now to me, truth is fulfillment, and to fulfillment there can be no path. So it seems, to me at least, that the first illusion in which you are caught is this desire for assurance, this desire for certainty, this inquiry after a path, a way, a mode of living whereby you can attain the desired goal, which is truth.

Your conviction that truth exists only in the distant future implies imitation. When you inquire what truth is, you are really asking to be told the path which leads to truth.
Then you want to know which system to follow, which mode, which discipline,
to help you on the way to truth.

My First Moment of True Willingness - Here and Now

I recall my very first memory. I was no more than three years old and I was sitting in my bedroom, alone. I was "sensing" the presences around me - I could feel them and I could "see" them. They almost appeared the way one would see a figure drawn on tracing paper, then held up into the light. Interaction with them was "natural" through silent thoughts as communication. The playfulness, the effortless connection and the joy of the love was all as One. I felt the utmost of joy at this realization and I bathed in the Light of this Truth. However, the joy of the revelation was soon replaced by an unwelcome realization: That I was inside of a body.

The joy was replaced by a sadness I had never experienced before that moment. The sadness translated itself into my first thought as a sentence and statement to G-d.

"This was a mistake. I don't want to be here. I want to go "Home."

Lili Zohar's picture

Wild By Night

When my daughter Rosa was 4, she found a young bird in our yard whom a cat had injured. Excitedly, she came to find me and together we emptied an old crayon-filled shoe box, lined it with shredded paper and placed a small pan of water in its corner. Through glaring eyes she peered at me as I came closer to help, wanting to flee, but immobilized by injury and fear. As I lifted the small starling, its pounding heartbeat, so rapid and strong, filled me with the bird’s fear from head to toe. It was as if I were holding not a bird but the very heart of terror in my palm. When the bird we named Lacey, did not improve, we found a shelter to receive her, never knowing if she made her way to freedom, or more likely, died in her box.

Kate McKenna's picture

Rumi's instructions for receiving GOD

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

JohnLBP's picture

One of my favourite quotes

This is by Phil Bosmans, a Dutch poet. Here it is in English and Dutch:

'Zoals een bloem de zon nodig heeft om bloem te worden, zo heeft een mens liefde nodig om mens te worden'

'Just as a flower needs the sun to become a flower, a person needs love to become human'

kerrya's picture

Fired Up for the Future ...

I was listening to Elizabeth Hermon's podcast this morning on this very website. She spoke of a major planetary shift at the beginning of June. This shift moves the energies of the heavens from water to fire. It is a birthing time and a letting go time simultaneously. It is a time of initiating and re-fueling and creating.

As I steeped myself in her words, I arrived at a new level of awareness about my Future Self. Astrologists offer guidance and predictions based on planetary movements. The Future Self, as I believe I am understanding, offers guidance too based on the predicted movements of our changing beings, our shifting interiors, our new relationships to the situations of life. The Future Self, as with the Astrologer, has a pulse on these ever-changing dynamics and acts like a compass -- if we are willing to take direction.